Jaeger's Got Talent!
by Cheese Time
Summary: Eren, Connie, Jean and Armin are going to form an elite boyband under the management of Erwin Smith. Their goal: to win glory and fangirls, and become the biggest hit in Japan. But it will not be an easy road. Can the boys become international sensations and top the charts, or will Eren be too distracted by superstar Levi on the way? Modern Japan AU.
1. Thus ReCON KISS was born!

**Disclaimer:whatever you do, don't take any of this seriously!**

**I am not a massive uber ultimate godlike jpop fan, so if I get something wrong, I'm sorry! This is meant for nothing more than the funnies.**

**Enjoy a girly fangirl Eren and a very prudish Armin~**

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Japan's notorious musical Talent Manager Erwin stared harshly at the five new recruits, sizing them up, seeing if the men were sexy enough for a jpop band, and praying their voices matched up to the reports he'd read.

Every hopeful pop star in Japan knew that Erwin controlled countless talent schools across the country, his music company was a mighty force known collectively as the Survey Corps. He was the man that made and ruined stars, rose them up to the heights of fame, or sent them crashing down. He'd manufactured dozens of chart-topping jpop bands during his years in the business. Simon Cowell shit his pants whenever he heard the name Erwin Smith, and it was more than justified.

They were sat in Survey Corps headquarters. You would think it would be a big building in the heart of Tokyo, with lots of glitter and sparkle, and synchronized dancing in every room. Surprisingly, it was in the heart of the countryside outside the capital. A castle that the Survey Corps had bought for cheap, and remodeled - with extensive cleaning. Even though there were stone halls and ancient paintings lining the walls of every chill corridor, there was still plenty of room for synchronized, sexy jpop dancing. Eren had found himself shocked when he was led here at first, but inside the place was pretty goddamned tricked out. There were glitter cannons and flower machines that the Ouran Host Club would be proud of.

They were sat at a long table, before the standing Erwin, with a projection screen behind him. The Talent Manager paced up and down.

"You all know why you're here," Erwin told the youths before him. "You five are the best students from Talent School 104. Chosen because you have the highest grade scores, and are considered the most skilled trainees in the country." He looked to the first boy, up from his clipboard, face stoic. "Jean Kirsten, you have been selected because you excel at specialized dance moves..." he pressed a button on his remote control, and a video popped up on the screen behind him. "We have been sent astounding evidence." It was a clip of Jean doing a slow motion flip in the air on a black background.

Jean put a saluting hand on his heart. "I will do my best to serve the you for the good of the jpop industry, sir."

He moved on to the next boy. Connie avoided Erwin's piercing gaze. Erwin stared into his clipboard seriously. "Connie Springer, you were chosen because of your exceptional breakdancing agility, and you have been reported to be very emotional - which fangirls desperately find moe."

Connie saluted in the same way. "I will be as sexy as I can possibly be to the fangirls, sir!" Erwin nodded approvingly, continuing down the line.

"Armin Arlet!" Erwin exclaimed.

"Yesss sir!?" Armin replied, terrified, wetting his pants a little.

"You ranked a lot lower on the sexyness test than all the other boys from Talent School 104," Erwin informed him bluntly. Armin cringed. "Usually that would mean we would never allow you to become part of an elite boyband, but you have other skills. You have a unique voice unlike any other man - it is so high pitched, uke, and pathetic, just like a woman. This means you are able to achieve harmonies that usually only a female singer would be able to reach. This is a formidable talent, one that will give your band a considerable advantage over those with merely masculine voices. Plus, you look like a sissy little girl, so your presence may bring yaoi enthusiasts to our audience. Doubly so if you crossdress."

Armin shuddered a touch, but this was his choice. He'd signed up to join Talent School 104 along with Eren and Mikasa, he knew what he was getting himself into. He would become a successful pop singer, even if it meant crossdressing along the way.

Second to last on the row was Mikasa. Erwin sighed when he reached her. "The trainers at Talent School 104 recognised your skills were superior to any of your classmates. Unfortunately, however, you are female, and cannot become part of the ultimate smexy mens boyband along with the others. But we will not allow your abilities to be wasted. You will become the choreographer of this new group, controlling their onstage performances as well as overseeing their music videos."

Mikasa nodded curtly, obediently. "Hai." This was a relief. She didn't have to be subjected to the humiliation of being part of a dancing jpop group. She still didn't really know why Eren had insisted they all join the Talent School, with such sincerity, too. Jpop was probably just a gay fetish of his.

Finally, Erwin reached the last recruit. He was special. His singing was filled with levels of passion that were unheard of. He could cry on demand during a performance. Erwin had seen a video of Eren Jaeger singing a solo shirtless, with a storm pouring down on the sky, rain mixing with his tears. It was pumped with such extreme emotion, that the head of the Survey Corps had shed a single tear. It was probably among the top ten most beautiful things he'd ever witnessed.

"Eren Jaeger," Erwin said imposingly. "Any teenage girl who watches you sing would have to be either blind, or a total lesbian not to fall in love with you. You are a new and inexperienced virgin in the jpop industry, but I believe once you make your debut, you have the potential to become the next heartthrob."

This was the chance Eren had been waiting for his entire life. Since he'd seen his first Arashi video all those years ago, he'd been determined to become the most fabulous and sexy jpop the world had ever seen. He'd come so far since that day, and now Erwin Smith himself was praising him. It was a dream. Eren narrowed his eyebrows. "I only live to serve jpop, Manager Erwin!"

"Good," Erwin said, face flat. "Now we can at last begin." He turned to the projection screen behind him. With the click of a button, a picture popped up. It was a gigantic, animated woman, with blue bunched hair that dropped to her waist, and enormous eyes, and a short, short skirt. She had a microphone in her hands and headphones drawn on her head. Armin shivered at the horrific sight. They all knew her too well. She was the commander in chief of the enemy. Her name was said in whispers. She was the Colossal Miku.

"You are all well aware of the new threat that faces mankind. The human jpop industry is on the verge of going extinct. Boybands are being driven to extinction by these inhuman titans: the vocaloids."

Eren clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. He had a personal vendetta against the vocaloids. Thanks to them, his favourite bands were now relics of the past. What they'd done to his favourite band Arashi... it was unforgivable.

Erwin changed the slide. Now it was a picture of aberrants Rin and Len, looking sweet and innocent as always, demons that they were. Erwin continued. "The vocaloids are perfect idols. They are utterly beautiful and pristine at all times." The next slide was a picture of a massive 3D projection of Kaito in a vocaloid concert. He was five times larger than a normal man - a ten meter class concert. But they were known cases of Colossal Mikus being projected to sizes of at least 60m. "They stand out more much more in a crowd than a human ever could. They can perform without tiring, again and again. The vocaloids have a huge advantage over the humans, as they can give massively impressive concerts with strobe lighting and modern holographic effects. Everyone in Japan loves their songs, which are often accompanied by intriguing stories..."

The next slide was a screen from '_The Madness of Duke Venomania,' _a video which Armin had had nightmares about no less than eleven times. Six involved Gakupo and surprise buttsex. The next picture was from '_Judgement of Corruption,' _and it just infuriated Eren more. There was no doubt that these were amazingly catchy tunes, with such badass lyrics and backstories.

"Now the entire country is in a craze. There's a minature Colossal Miku in every shop window, a cosplayer on every main street." A picture of twenty schoolgirls wearing Miku wigs. "The young women in the country find Gakupo and Kaito a thousand times more sexy than any normal human." The next picture was yaoi fanart between the two aforementioned vocaloids. Eren crossed his hands over his lap. Connie put a hand over his eyes. Armin looked as closely as he could, wondering how sex worked.

Erwin punched his palm. "These vocaloids are titans of the jpop industry! As of yet, every human pop group who has tried to defeat them in the music charts has been brutally defeated. Just last week, Sexy Zone announced their retirement... and we all remember Arashi's fall from grace several years ago."

Eren's heart was pounding. Those were two of his favourite bands of all time, and the vocaloids had overtaken them without batting an eyelid. He'd cried for a day and a night straight when he found out that Arashi wouldn't be releasing any new music. There was still a hole left in his heart from that fateful time. Erwin kept talking, in a darker tone. "Normal synchronized jpop boybands are going out of date. The kind of bands that Survey Corps is designed to train and produce. They are selling fewer and fewer copies and singles. Band after band is quitting the music industry. Only five out of the current top forty singles are by human performers. If something isn't done soon, human performers will be completely overtaken by the vocaloids! All of you joined Talent School 104 with the hope of becoming Japan's next big star. If we allow the vocaloids to capture the entire music industry, every human jpop singer will be forced to look for another career. You don't know how to do anything else! You could end up on the streets!"

It was true, the recruits knew nothing else besides synchronized dancing, style, and singing in sexy pop voices. Erwin leaned close over the table, glowering at Armin. "Some of you might become cheap prostitutes!" Armin squealed beneath his breath, wriggling under Erwin's stare. "We cannot allow that to happen, can we?"

As one, the recruits from Talent School 104 saluted, hand over heart. "No, sir!" they exclaimed.

"Good," Erwin nodded, with the vaguest hint of a smile. "All is not lost, though. We have one last hope, before the vocaloid titans wipe out all their rival performers. I'm going to put all of the Survey Corps budget on this final desperate and reckless plan. You have all doubtless heard of Japan's foremost mainstream pop competition: SoundTitan!, where all the country's finest boybands and groups come together to compete for fangirls and glory. The first round - round Maria - is set to begin in two months' time. Every major company is allowed one entrant into the competition - the Survey Corps chain of Talent Schools can only put forward one group. This is the year's biggest event, it will undoubtedly be swarming with vocaloids and other artificial singers." Erwin raised one eyebrow slyly. "My plan is to unveil a completely new group, and shock millions watching the event worldwide. A dark horse. Someone the evil vocaloids will never see coming. A sexy boyband more sexy than any boyband ever before!" He pointed to Connie, Jean, Armin and Eren. "The four of you exceptional recruits have been chosen for this crucial operation. You are going to be my dark horse, my new group that goes on to win SoundTitan! and vanquishes all the vocaloids."

Erwin stared off into the distance, through the ceiling and beyond, dreaming of his ultimate vision. "Your group will be called ReCON!KISS, and you will be the ones to put an end to the vocaloids once and for all!"

Eren pumped a fist into the air, blood coursing through his veins, sweat pouring down his brow. "_All glory to ReCON!KISS!" _he bellowed at the top of his lungs. He was in a frenzy of passion. He would avenge Arashi and Super Junior and Sexy Zone. He would be the one to kill every singe vocaloid! "Talent Manager Erwin, I will fight for humanity in this war, and I will be willing to lay down my life for this cause!"

Jean unfolded his arms, surprised. "That's pretty extreme," he commented.

Eren shot a beam of fire towards him with his eyes. "Jean, if you're not willing to die for jpop, then GTFO!" he pointed an angry finger towards the door.

Erwin clipped Eren across the ear. "You're not required to lay down your life for this cause. The only reason you would die as a pop star would be from a drug overdose, or being trampled to death by fangirls. If you have half a brain, you can avoid those problems. But the devotion is appreciated. The vocaloids have to go down, at any cost."

Erwin changed the slide on the screen. It was an official ReCON!KISS logo, and it was the most beautiful thing Eren had ever seen. It was two crossed bird's wings. One of them was hot pink, the other a vibrant purple. In an intense crimson bubble writing, beneath it, were the words '_ReCON!KISS_.' There was a cardboard box underneath the projector screen, and Erwin kicked it open, and fished out green jackets with the same design on them, tossing them to the newly formed boyband. Connie was cheering, Jean grinned, Armin squealed, and Eren was crying a waterfall of manly tears. Mikasa didn't put hers on. She really wished she was somewhere else.

Eren couldn't think how this day could possibly get any better, but it was just about to, in a way he could have never imagined. He zipped up his new jacket, heart swelling with pride. He helped Armin wrench his hair from being stuck in the zipper, and the two of them exchanged an excited glance. Eren couldn't think of anything to say, this was all happening so fast!

Erwin knowingly smiled, seeing the innocence of the new group. They were about to receive a life-changing surprise for the second time this day. He wasn't finished. Not by half. "There's more, it gets better," he told them.

"How could all this possibly get better?" Connie asked. "Yesterday were were just Talent School hopefuls, now we're a whole boyband!"

Erwin shook his head. "I'm sure you'll think differently in a moment" He set to pacing up and down once more. "For you see, you four are not the only ones joining ReCON!KISS. There will be a fifth member, he's on his way now."

Eren wondered who it could possibly be. Was there somebody from another Talent School? 104 was the best, but it was fully plausible. Who did Talent Manager Erwin Smith trust for a mission of such importance? "He's the Survey Corps music company's secret weapon. Recently we got in touch again, and he agreed to be part of this vital project," Erwin told them. "A few years ago, he went to a Talent School much like yours, but he has long since moved on to achieve great fame. He's an old graduate, a prodigy that I supervised myself. He excelled in every field - his voice was unparalleled, his looks more deadly than any of the vocaloids could ever hope to be.

"After graduating, he went on to become Japan's leading jpop artist. His recent album is still leading in the charts, followed by a torrent of fierce competition from the enemy. He is currently what stands in the way of total vocaloid domination. The animated titans - Colossal Miku and Armoured Kaito - are furious he had managed to stay more successful than them, despite their various attacks. I'm sure you've all guessed who I'm talking about. He is Japan's best pop singer - known to the world only as '_Heichou_' - and he has agreed to lead ReCON!KISS."

A shiver ran up Eren's spine, and he couldn't stop his face from turning bright red. He wanted to shot out in protest, it couldn't possibly be true! Heichou, THE Heichou! Jesus tap dancing Christ, it was unbelievable!

Although Eren was mostly a fan of boybands when it came to jpop, he'd always reserved a special place in his heart for Heichou. He was, without exaggeration, the most attractive and gorgeous musician ever to pick up a microphone. He had the most intriguing personality, he was never called by his real name. He was a dark, mysterious, figure who always wore a lace cravat. Other men had tried to pull off the cravat, in response to the amount of girls who loved Heichou, and had all failed. It was said that he had more skill than every other jpop artist in Japan out together. He'd endured, while Sexy Zone, ABCZ and all the others fell, through pure talent. Fangirls threw enough underpants onstage while Heichou performed, that he nearly drowned in them. It was known that a few girls had died from nosebleed blood loss during his performances. His single '_Die Flugel der Freiheit_' became a worldwide number one, and had been there for nearly half a year. He wasn't Arashi, but Eren still admired him to no end.

Eren had always known his crush on Heichou was pointless, but he couldn't help it. We all have celebrities we would screw in a heartbeat if given the chance. Heichou could kick Tom Hiddleston's ass any day, he was simply _that sexy_. Eren admittedly had a poster of him up on the wall back in his dorm at Talent School 104. And maybe a T-shirt. And maybe a full sized body pillow that he meticulously hid from Armin.

And now, Heichou was going to be part of their über boyband. Eren would be in ReCON!KISS with him. Was he honestly having a dream? He hoped he wouldn't wake up before Heichou came in. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world. With Heichou on their side, the vocaloids wouldn't stand a chance.

"He's coming, now," Erwin announced, as the handle of the door turned. Mikasa sighed. Armin tried to hold Eren's hand out of nerves, but he batted it away. He didn't want Heichou to think he was already taken. Connie gasped. Jean leant forward. Never had a door opened as slowly as it did that day.

And then Levi walked the fuck in and Eren just fucking stared at him.

He strutted up before the new recruits, examined them all with calculating eyes. He put his hands on his hips aggressively.

'_Let me have your babies_,' thought Eren. He was six trillion times more handsome in real life than he could ever be in the videos or pictures. And Eren hadn't even heard him sing. He had no idea what to do. He felt like trying to steal a kiss from Heichou, lest he waste the opportunity.

"What's up, bitches?" said Heichou. Eren wanted to be his bitch. That sounded really good about now. His cravat was every bit as frilly as it had been in Eren's dreams. More frilly.

With those cold, shadowy eyes of his, he looked Eren up and down. Eren couldn't have felt more nervous if he was stark naked. Then he had the image of him naked in front of Heichou in his head, and matters just got worse. He was frozen, he couldn't move. He was locked under Heichou's deathly stare.

At last the star came to a verdict. "Your nose is bleeding," he said flatly.

Eren grabbed the edges of the table, until it nearly broke. "NANI?!" he yelled.

And then Heichou sighed as if Eren was an idiot. For a second, Eren thought his heart was broken, and his life ruined.

But then...

But then Heichou _leaned_ forward, and _wiped_ the dripping blood away from his nose with a slender finger. Eren nearly passed out.

Heichou then proceeded to sit on the edge of the long table, crossing his legs, leaning one arm on the wood. He glanced over the five assembled recruits from Talent School 104. "Suppose the lot of us are going to get to know each other well throughout the next few months. The fate of jpop is going to be in our hands. I hope you youngsters understand this kind of responsibility."

Eren didn't want to say anything. He couldn't mess up and spoil this perfect moment. He just watched in awe as Erwin gave them their instructions. "The first round of SoundTitan! Is two months away. Round one is round Maria, the next is Rose, and the final is Sina. Every year the vocaloids have made it into round Sina. If we hope to defeat them, we must aim for the final, and nothing less than the final. But before the first round the lot of you will be very busy. Recording your first album, endless photo shoots, style preparation, you need to be perfect for your grand unveil at SoundTitan! in two months. The lot of you will need to become one team. Work together, eat together, sleep together."

Eren looked up at Heichou and thought that could be very easily arranged.

Erwin clapped his hands once commandingly. "There's no time to waste. The lot of you should go and meet your sound and tech specialist, Hange Zoe. She's the one that will help you write your songs, work on your image, and make sure you're the sexiest damned boyband to ever walk the Earth. Godspeed."

Erwin then performed a formal and sincere salute, one hand behind, one in front.

Thus ReCON!KISS was formed, and senpai noticed Eren Jaeger.

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**Please leave a review and a favourite! Reviews are what make Levi fabulous!**

**I have a whole plan for lots more if people like this. I really hope y'all liked it.**

**Btw, I know that different people call it recon corps and survey corps. Personally I call it, recon, thus their boy band is called ReCON!KISS. (If you've only watched subtitles with the word survey, you might not have got that.)**


	2. Boner!

**My one review said that everyone was so fabulously gay.**

**Trust me, my friend, you ain't seen nothing yet.**

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Hanji stared at the five boys like they were pieces of meat, licking her lips so slightly at the sight. Mikasa could have sat in the corner for hours without speaking, and Hanji would have never noticed her. She pushed the glasses up tighter towards her nose, hoping to see them more clearly. "The lab should be ready any moment. We can begin our _experiments, _but the technicians are still prepping it as we speak." She looked towards the door of the room off to the side that led to the lab. There was a glass panel in the current room that showed the recording studio beyond. She'd also taken the liberty of installing some two way mirrors in the other rooms, but the boys didn't have to know about those. Through it Eren could see many men in clinical white suits setting up microphone stands and connecting up electrical equipment.

"Uh, experiments?" asked Connie. "Aren't we just going to be singing?"

Hanji twitched and rapidly stood from her chair. "JUST SINGING?! We aren't going to be just singing. We are going to be making the sexiest music known to man! Subsequently, there are several rules that you must comply with at all times while in the recording studio. I drew them up with Erwin's permission. With these rules in place, we believe we will be able to maximise sexiness." She snatched up a clipboard from the floor, and thrust the rules forward to the group of mystified boys and nonplussed Mikasa.

The rules of recording read thus:

1. No shirts, of any kind, shall be allowed inside the recording studio. This is non negotiable, and exceptions will not be made.

2. If an entrant desires not to wear pants, that will also be tolerated - if not encouraged.

3. Baggy and unflattering clothing is strictly prohibited.

4. If there's a fire in the building, keep performing. It will just make things hotter.

5. Hanji Zoe has the authority to lock band members inside the recording studio_, _because of the '_Seven minutes in Heaven' _paragraph of your contracts.

That was too much for Armin. He stood up, alarmed and afraid. "There's a Seven minutes in Heaven paragraph in our contracts?!"

Hanji smiled cruelly. "You didn't read the whole thing before you signed, did you?"

Armin shivered. "No, I just followed Eren." The blonde boy turned over to Jaeger. "Did you know this was in our contract?"

Eren nodded happily. "It's one of the reasons I signed up!" Hanji couldn't take that much moe, she clapped her hands eagerly, ready for the angst to begin.

Armin worked up as much courage as he could to speak out against the half-crazed Hanji. "Those rules are ridiculous! It's like you're running a brothel or something! We can't go shirtless all the time while we're performing! That's completely insane!"

Hanji looked sympathetically towards the boy with those beady eyes of hers. She was actually pitying him. Eren panicked. What if she decided to change the rules so that they didn't have to go shirtless?! That would be a catastrophe! If that happened, he wouldn't get to see Heichou's amazing body up close. He had to do something, _fast._

So he stood up and gave Armin a gentle slap across the face, shocking him back to reality. "Stop arguing, Armin!" he shouted. "Just because you're afraid to show your body! None of us are embarrassed." He paused to look at the group of assembled boys. Jean looked like he couldn't have given less of a crap, elbow resting on the back of the chair, staring off into the distance. Connie was twiddling with his thumbs. Heichou was observing all this with a smirk. Just the faintest hint of a smile as his eyes met Eren's. Jaeger quickly looked away, fearing his face would turn red.

Hanji folded her arms with a grudging shrug. "Well, I did just make those rules up so I could see you guys without shirts. I suppose we can overlook them..." Eren nearly had a heart attack. He gasped, reaching out towards Hanji with a trembling hand. '_No, no! This can't be happening!' _

"But!" Hanji continued, "the Seven Minutes in Heaven rule will still apply!" She linked her hands greedily. "I can still choose to lock you in the recording studio if I want!"

Eren supposed that was better than nothing, but it was still a mighty blow. He needed to make his impression on Heichou soon. He was currently being noticed by Japan's best pop star, and that kind of attention didn't come cheaply. What was the point of getting noticed by senpai if you squandered your time?

Armin was positively relieved, and he sat down thankfully. Eren wondered whether he should give him the silent treatment, or just try for revenge later. Hanji checked some notes on a clipboard, furiously scrawling away with a pen - making changes to her plans. Most of her plans involved yaoi of some degree, so a lot of alterations had to be made. It was a couple minutes before she found the itinerary for the new band. Eren spent the time ogling Heichou and taking in every glorious centimetre of his body. The way he straightened his cravat, readjusted his jacket. Inevitably, Heichou saw that Eren was staring at him, open mouthed and awed. The famous star sighed, as if he'd seen it all a hundred times before. Dammit, why couldn't he say something intelligent! Why didn't he try flirting? This time they had together was precious! '_Flirt, Eren!' _he told himself, '_you may never get this chance again!'_

He said the first pickup line that came to mind. "If I told you, you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"

Heichou gave him a singular, icy, unforgiving stare. "What?" he snapped.

It wasn't enough. "Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see me in your pants."

The older star snorted. "Are you saying what I think-"

"My bed is broken, can I sleep in yours?"

After Eren had said all that, he considered it may not have been the wisest idea. All the others were watching. Armin was listening closely. The boy was still trying to figure out how sex worked, and every subtle clue he could gather pieced the image together more. Although Hanji was busy looking through her notes, she relished every word she heard between the two boys. Mikasa already knew Eren was flamboyantly gay, but she was still surprised he would be such a slut. Honestly, they'd known Heichou for less than twenty minutes...

"You're trying to pick me up, aren't you?" Heichou shook his head. "Tch. You're going to have to work a lot harder than that if you want to catch me. I won't be bested so easily."

Eren quickly averted Heichou's gaze, ashamed of his failure. But his heart fluttered up a storm in secret. '_He didn't say no!' _he thought.

At last, Hanji pulled out a piece of paper from the depths of her stack. "Here! While we are waiting for the studio to be ready, I think it would be beneficial if you lot did some team building exercises, so we can get to know each other well, and work together more effectively. After all, it must be daunting to have to form a band with someone you've never even met."

Everyone showed general approval. Except Mikasa, who just stared stoically off into space.

Connie thought it was a good idea - he was enthusiastic for the team to start forming and working cohesively. He would do his family proud. Jean supposed that if they were to start working towards the future of jpop, they might as well get along as well as they could hope.

Eren couldn't tell what Heichou was thinking. He was an eternal, frosty enigma. That was one thing he loved about him. There were, of course, a thousand more, but that was just a sample. Team building. That sounded very promising indeed. Eren relished the thought of Heichou building on him.

"Okay!" Hanji started enthusiastically, trying to cover she was making all this up on the spot. "We're going to start off with a little word game. First of all, we're going to go around the room and say one word that we think best describes us. We'll get to know each other better! Mikasa, why don't you start?"

Mikasa wished there was a way to opt out of this nonsense, but it seemed she was screwed. Just one word wouldn't be too difficult. "Protector." Her main goal in life seemed to be protecting Eren from himself. From making himself a fool and ruining his reputation. From becoming too criminally gay - although that last endeavour was somewhat failing.

Next was Jean. "Honest," he said honestly.

Connie. "Friendly," he smiled.

Armin. "Spirited?" he looked towards Eren, who shook his head. "Pussy?" he tried again. Eren nodded approvingly.

It was Heichou next. He extended his hands in a cool shrug, and said a single word effortlessly. "Fabulous."

Eren thought of how perfect that one single word was at describing him. A single drop of drool dripped out from the corner of his mouth. Fabulous. So goddamned. _Fabulous._

It took a few moments for it to strike home that it was Eren's turn, and everyone was waiting for an answer from him. He'd prepared an answer a moment ago, but Heichou had driven it straight away from his head. It was impossible to think of anything else while looking at him.

His stormy grey eyes inspired so many feelings, his dark slick of hair, that sadistic, harsh glance...

"Eren?" Hanji prompted. Eren, shocked, said the first word that came to mind.

"Boner!" Eren shouted.

Did he just say that out loud?

Jean was sniggering a little under cover of his hand. Eren wanted nothing more than to flip him off. Damn him for being the only straight person in this entire band! He was already living by the assumption that Heichou was, in no way, straight, even though he constantly had fangirls chasing after him.

Hanji's demon grin that followed was the inspiration of Armin's nightmares for many nights to come. It was the relentless hunger of a yaoi fangirl, and it damn well made everyone around very uncomfortable. She'd known Heichou for a long time. Longer than any of these scrubs right here. She'd been in the same class as him when the two of them went through Talent School together. They were old colleagues, but they'd gone different ways after graduation. She'd always tried to put him on blind dates with other guys, but her boldest efforts had never been successful. But finally, after all these years, a spark of love looked like it might blossom! It took a few moments for Hanji to get ahold of herself, after breathing several heavy, lusty, deep breaths. She realised that although she was in the presence of real, live yaoi, she was hardly behaving professionally. After all, she was part of the elite team assigned to ReCON!KISS, she had to get them on the road to success. So, more team building should be done in order to achieve that goal. This was for an important cause - the vocaloids had to be defeated!

But that didn't mean she wouldn't make as many possible opportunities for yaoi as possible.

She tossed her clipboard aside and clapped a single time loudly to get the attention of the entire group. "Well done everyone! You performed wonderfully! I'm sure you're getting to know each other better and better. We're going to move on to the next exercise."

Heichou sighed. "Hanji, please, do we really have to participate in these arbitrary little games of yours?"

Hanji folded her arms. She knew that Heichou could be a sassy little diva at times. "I'm your talent manager!" she protested. "You'll do what I say! It's all very important that you're able to trust each other. And if that means gratuitous team building, that's what's gotta happen. So we _will _move on to the next exercise, Heichou. This time it's going to be the trust fall!"

Jean groaned. Heichou rolled his eyes. It was the single most attractive eye movement Eren had ever beheld. "You have to partner up," Hanji continued. "One of you will close your eyes and fall over, and rely on the other to catch you before you hit the ground. Your safety will be in the hands of the one catching you, and you will learn to rely on them entirely." She looked eagerly over the bewildered boys. "Well go on! Partner up."

At once, Connie and Jean decided to join with each other. Jean absolutely wanted nothing to do with Eren. If they so much as touched, some of Eren's massive gay might end up rubbing off on him. The two retreated off into the corner, and were idly chatting amicably as they went about the exercise comfortably.

Eren listened to Heichou exhale in exasperation at the petty little task Hanji had assigned them to. Eren imagined that breathing on his neck. But his fantasies were interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. Like a hawk, he turned around to see who had interrupted his perfect visions.

It was Armin, shyly avoiding Eren's gaze. "Um, Eren... Do you think we could be partners? I don't know what Mikasa will do to me if I end up dropping her..."

Eren couldn't believe the crap he was hearing? Was Armin being serious? Did he have no clue of the gravity of the situation. "No way, Armin. Deal with it."

Armin's eyes went wide with panic, like a timid deer or rabbit. "But Eren, Mikasa might break my back if I end up dumping her on the floor."

Eren heard Heichou's voice from behind him, and he was drawn to its sound like a bear to honey. "So is one of you brats going to catch me already, or is our little band already falling apart?"

"One second," Eren heard himself saying, entranced by the sight of the star. "I'll be back, in... one second." Heichou nodded uncaringly, and stayed sat down in his chair. With that, Eren dragged Armin roughly by the wrist to the corner of the room, where hopefully no one would hear him.

"Eren..." Armin pleaded. "You wouldn't abandon me to go off with him, would you? Not after all we've been through."

This was too much for Eren to handle. Armin was being such a needy little bitch. He was currently the only thing standing between him and Heichou. So, with a flat hand, he gave the shorter boy a clean bitchslap across the face and started urgently whispering to him, hoping Heichou wouldn't hear his outburst. "Are you fucking serious Armin you think this is a joke I'm clearly trying to seduce Heichou and you're just getting in the way with your pussy face and messing everything up and making me look so uncool and it's seriously starting to piss me off and I have half a mind to tell everyone about the dreams you had about Gakpo every night at the Talent School just because of it so whatever you do don't get in the way of me and Heichou or you will get bitchslapped again and you will ruin all my hopes and dreams and we'll never ever avenge the loss of Arashi and the world will be devoured by the Vocaloids _IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT?!_"

Armin knew when it was time to shut up and run the hell away. He stepped further and further back against the wall, whimpering. "No," he breathed.

"Good," Eren confirmed. "Glad we straightened that out." With that, he left the crumpled remains of Armin in the corner, and practically leaped over to where Heichou was sitting, in one big, flighty bounce.

"Heiiiiiihchooooouuuuuu- senpaiiiii?" he asked, blinking big puppy eyes and wriggling his little tooshe.

"What?" Heichou snapped back.

"Will you catch me?" Eren asked, pointing towards Jean catching Connie over in the corner.

Heichou looked over his shoulder towards Hanji, who was grinning and giving him the thumbs-up. He turned back to Eren and blinked slowly. "You're very eager."

"Willing to serve the jpop industry until death!"

"Well well," Heichou tutted. "It's not every day an aspiring young singer can say that. Come," he stood from his chair, and walked away to a section of the room with a wider space. "I'll catch you."

Eren, like a zombie, walked forth under Heichou's command. He couldn't think. All of this was too surreal. He moved to stand a meter in front of Heichou. He could feel the presence of the star behind him. He imagined being taken for surprise buttsecks. He almost wanted to shout '_boner!'_again. But he had to get a grip. This was an exercise he had to concentrate on.

Before they began, Heichou leaned forward, his hand touching the side of Eren's neck, and he whispered the words, "_do you trust me?" _huskily, with a sadistic little chuckle. The gay was off the charts. Eren shivered under his cold touch. Even without the motivation of the trust fall, he didn't think he'd be able to stay on his feet much longer. He was going to faint.

Heichou stepped back. Eren screwed his eyes tight shut and imagined he was about to be caught by a light fluffy cloud. So he dropped backward, grinning madly. The air rushed past his ears. He felt like he was dropping into the hands of an angel. But Heichou was no angel. He was far too dirty and smouldering hot to be one. Perhaps he was a succubus.

He felt cool hands grab his arms tightly, and his fall was cut short. He was safe in Heichou's slender, but strong arms. The star may have been shorter than he, but he was so well built and powerful. He could feel the strength of his muscles holding him, the casual way he caught Eren without a second thought. Goosebumps ran up and down his arms. How much would some fangirls pay to be in the same position he was in now? He opened his eyes and saw Heichou looking down from above him, an unreadable emotion flickering in those limitless, enchanting grey eyes of his. Eyes he could lose himself in for days. What was Heichou feeling? Annoyance, or something deeper? Either way, Eren was enthralled. He was far more potent than any succubus could ever be.

But this was not the end of it! Eren felt himself being turned around. Was Heichou going to dump him on the floor? His heartbeat quickened? Surely he wouldn't do anything as crude as that? What if he had found Eren so irresistible that he was going to throw him on the ground and ravage him on the spot? Not that Eren could complain, but he wasn't quite sure that was what he wanted. If that happened, Armin would finally find out what sex looked like, and there was no way he was allowing that.

Heichou didn't dump him. In fact he twisted him round, and dipped him low, all ladylike, as if they'd just finished a waltz. Their eyes locked for an eternity of joy. Forget Armin. Doing it on the floor would be worth it.

"You're such a desperate little slut, aren't you?" Heichou whispered to him. "Like a puppet in my hands."

"Yup. Yup. Yup." Eren confirmed. He could hear Hanji squeeing in the background, but he didn't care.

Heichou snorted, but did nothing else. Slowly, he raised Eren and set him upright once more, his touch surprisingly gentle, but very, very firm. "I'm not going to make it easy for you, you know."

"I'm a very hard worker," Eren replied, dedicated. He considered putting his hand over his heart and saluting a promise, but he was a little too stunned for anything of the kind. Heichou didn't say another word to him, and he just strutted back to his chair and sat down, looking at his nails as if nothing had happened.

Mikasa had endured enough of this. She's never thought it was physically possible for Eren to be so amazingly gay. As a little boy he'd always partaken in somewhat masculine activities. Played with toy action figures, climbed trees with her, threw mud pies and picked up worms off the sidewalk. But the day he'd seen his first Arashi video, all had changed. He'd memorised all the dance moves by heart within the hour. Then he bought the CD. Then the posters came up. Then the bedsheets with the band members printed on them. Finally, there'd been the pillows. Eren thought Mikasa didn't know about the pillows, he thought they were his little secret. Mikasa really, really wished she didn't know, but unfortunately she'd stumbled across the closet he hid them in one scarring afternoon. She folded her arms after watching Heichou dip Eren like he was his dance partner in some tango. Armin was trying to say something to her, but she ignored his whiny little voice and sent a question over to Hanji.

"Was there really any point to this exercise?" she asked.

Hanji sniggered to herself greedily, beaming. "Oh, not at all! I just wanted to watch the boys catch each other because I get off on that stuff!"

At that moment, their antics were interrupted. The door to the recording studio opened, and a short girl with a bobbing head of brown hair and eager wide eyes stuck her head into the room. "Madam Hanji, the studio is ready. The microphones are all set up!"

Another technician, this one a grumpy looking man with dirty blonde hair. "We can start recording as soon as you're ready."

Hanji nodded to them, with a cracked smile. "Thank you, Petra, Oluo. We'll start right away! The boys in ReCON!KISS just need to get prepared."

Connie jumped up with a question. "Wait, what are we going to sing? We've only been in this band for twenty minutes. We haven't had time to write any songs."

Hanji laughed maniacally. "Write songs?! You're part of a manufactured mainstream boyband. You don't need to write your own songs." She bent over to pat Connie condescendingly on the head. "All the songs are written by experienced musicians much, much cleverer than you. You're all just pretty faces!"

Heichou shook his head. "Tch. I write my own songs, Hanji." Eren almost jumped in delight when he heard that. He'd been following Heichou's music for years upon years, thinking it was some of the dreamiest, eargasmic stuff to have ever been written. But knowing that it all came straight from the genius mind of Heichou himself... "I sent some songs over to Erwin earlier this week. I expect he's edited them by now, and we can record those."

Hanji raised one eyebrow and picked her clipboard up again, checking over the song titles she had on the agenda. "'_3D Maneuvers_', '_Cravat and Cape_', '_Fuck the (Military) Police_', '_House Cleaning_', and '_The Eight Inch Class Titan (In My Pants)._' These are the names of all the songs I have received."

"I wrote all of those," Heichou boasted, with a smug smile. "I'm glad they made their way over here."

"They sound a little raunchy," Armin said, shyly.

"_Shut up Armin you little fucking prude nobody cares," _Eren shouted at him.

"No, he's right," Heichou admitted, with a filthy smirk. "They are a little suggestive. But everyone likes to get dirty now and again. I would never settle for anything less." Was Eren just crazy, or did Heichou look at him a little as he said the word '_dirty'_?

Hanji nodded in agreement. "All teenage girls like dirty things. Coarse, rough and filthy! We're going for a bad boy approach, Armin. You'd better get used to it."

Armin's eyes widened and he gasped with revelation. "Does that mean... I can live the thug lyfe?"

Oh no. When Armin's thug side came out, it was almost impossible to get him to return to normal. He would never stop using the word 'swag' and kept insisting that Eren and Mikasa were his bitches. He wore sunglasses, even inside, accompanied by a purple hat, golden chains and knuckle dusters. He didn't choose the thug lyfe, the thug lyfe chose him. It was a little like the monthly transformation of a werewolf, but many times more dangerous.

But Armin's thug side might make him a little less pathetic, and might make a better impression on the audiences of their new songs. It was a necessary evil. "Yes, Armin. You can live the thug lyfe."

Armin punched the air in victory with a grunt, and Eren almost wished he hadn't made that promise. But he was too excited about Heichou's songs. An _eight inch_ Titan? Was that even physically possible? Was it _true_?! He would have given so much to find out...

Hanji beckoned for them to follow her into the studio, and they shuffled after her willingly, Heichou strutting fabulously along. Eren really wanted to slap his ass. "Now, for a lot of you, this will be your first time recording a real song that will be heavily produced, we'll need to go through all the lyrics and make sure all your lovely voices can sing as suductively as they can. Of course, Heichou won't need any assistance in that field, but I bet he can give some tips to you newbies."

Armin chirped up cheerfully. He hadn't transformed into thug mode quite yet. "Aw, that would be really nice of you, Heichou, I could use some-"

"_She wasn't talking about you idiot she meant me!_" Eren bellowed back to shut him up.

The last one through to the recording studio, Heichou quietly commented on something to Eren. "You know, my little brat, some of those songs are duets. If you're lucky, you might score a place on the microphone next to me. We'd get to spend _hours_ together practising. All alone." With a cruel chuckle, he swept past Eren to join the rest of the group.

"Boner!" Eren exclaimed out loud.

Eren knew he was just trying to torment him. And it was working. If he had a duet with Heichou, he could die happy. That was his ultimate goal. He had to outperform all the others and score that vital place.

Besides Heichou, he was the most dedicated to jpop of the whole group. The most passionate. The most sexy. He didn't have Mikasa's talent, but he had a fire burning in his heart. He would avenge Arashi against the vocaloids, and find his way into Heichou's pants, no matter what!

So, determined, he caught up with the others, and they spent long hours learning their first song.

* * *

By the end of the day they'd finished the first few verses of '_3D Maneuvers_.' It was a long day, filled with hard work and training, but Eren had never felt more satisfied. They would choose only one song to perform in the first round of the SoundTitan! competition in a few months, but they still had to complete a whole album, and multiple music videos. All of it would be released on the day of their big debut, and for now it was being kept a big secret by the media. Hopefully, it would explode into success and ReCON!KISS would be a smash hit. With Heichou at their lead, how could they not?

Eren was whistling '_3D Maneuvers_' as he walked out of the recording studio.

~'_In bed. Yeah. Let me show you my 3D Maneuvers, babe. I'm skilled with my gear, so just come here-_'~

He was interrupted by a hand on his chest, holding him back from the others, who were, exhausted, going out into the corridor and heading towards dinner. The hand belonged to none other than Hanji, who hunted him down like a shark. She shouted out to the others, "Don't worry about Eren! He'll be with you in a moment. I need to talk to him."

Eren was worried he was about to receive a scolding. "Is this about how my nose didn't stop bleeding for half an hour today? I'm really sorry about that. I mean, you were telling us to moan into the microphones, and I heard Heichou moaning, and I couldn't-"

Hanji shook her head in amusement. "You want to screw Heichou, don't you?"

Eren didn't even want to talk about how inappropriate it was that she knew, or how she'd figured it out. The idea was too consuming to deny. "Yes. Completely and utterly yes."

Then she cackled like a scheming witch stirring a cauldron. "Then I want to help you."

Eren was stuttering, speechless. "B-but, why? What do you want in return?"

"A blow by blow account of what a night with Heichou is like."

At this point, Eren really couldn't care less about his personal privacy. He'd do anything to get with Heichou. Absolutely anything. "Deal," he agreed with a nod.

"Then the duet is yours," Hanji promised. "Don't waste your opportunity."

Eren had no intention of standing idly while he had a duet with Heichou. When the time came around, he would throw everything he had into tempting the star of his dreams into sleeping with him.

**Please R and R. I'm a review whore. Honestly, you don't know how much a positive review will inspire me to keep going.**

**I'm pretty sure that by the next chapter this fic is going to turn to M. I really, really can't limit my swearing, nor my 3D Maneuvers.**

**Oh and if you don't know about Armin's Thug Lyfe, you should Go Google It.**


	3. Cravat and Cape

**I'm going to be updating this more often, now. I've just about finished a massive project, and should have lots of time to devote to making Rivaille fabulous.**

* * *

Eren was almost so distracted by the sight of Heichou's ass, stretched tight in spandex, that he came close to messing up the dance routine for the hundredth time. There was a t rolling so the five of them could keep track of their steps andstray in exact time. Foot to the left, long slide, hands fanning through the air. And he had to lip sync along to the song at the same time.

Filming a music video was no easy work. Especially when a certain Lance Corporal is dancing centre stage, right in front of you. Wearing nothing but skin tight spandex, a pristine white cravat, and a beautiful flowing cape. Heichou span around, and the rest of the boys followed, but not before Eren managed to sneak in one more glimpse at Heichou's ass.

They'd been through this dance routine for hours on end. Mikasa had thrown it together with ease. Although it contained some good technique and good dancing dynamics, Eren was a touch disappointed it wasn't more suggestive. There was no thrusting or anything. They were filming a music video for '_Cravat and Cape_,' dammit, a song all about the fabulous glamour of high fashion. Why wasn't there any thrusting?

They were at a special fashion studio all the way out in Tokyo, far from the Survey Corps headquarters. Erwin had organised for it to be hired out for the sake of the music video. So all of them had to pile on the official ReCON!KISS bus for the long road trip over to Tokyo. It was the most wonderful bus Eren had ever been on. Not because it had a minibar that would make Sasha pass out, or because there was a hot tub in the back. No, this was officially Eren's favourite vehicle because it had a ten foot tall photo of Heichou painted all across the outside - and there was a shirtless one of Eren right next to him. Of course, Connie, Jean and Armin were there, too. But in smaller pictures. Further from Heichou. On the other side of the glorious ReCON!KISS logo.

Besides that, he'd spent hours of car journey by Heichou's side. Connie was obsessed with some little Nintendo DS game. Jean had tried to make nervous small talk with Mikasa, and the girl had blatantly ignored him, her mind occupied wondering if she'd ever met anyone more gay than Eren. Armin had tried to talk to Eren on the way, but Eren had locked him in the toilet so he couldn't disturb the romantic atmosphere between Eren and Heichou. He'd gotten severe motion sickness, but that was the least of Eren's problems.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times Eren suggested it, Heichou wouldn't agree to go and get in the hot tub with him. It was a disappointment, but Eren was determined that one day he would coax Heichou into those bubbling waters. Preferably while skinny dipping.

Eren didn't know this, but Hanji was the one who made the decision to install the hot tub in the back of the tour bus. She prayed, too, that Eren and Heichou would use it one day.

Heichou spent most of his trip writing a song on a notepad with his pristine, neat handwriting. Apparently the artistic inspiration behind it was how annoying he found Eren. The song was called '_Tch, Tch_.' Heichou was already writing songs about him! This was fantastic progress!

It had been a month since ReCON!KISS first formed. In that space of time, they'd recorded most of the original planned songs for their albums - although Heichou was constantly writing more. The man was truly mankind's number 1 jpop artist, considering the way he could just churn out a beautiful, sexy song on the spot. Now they were in the process of filming music videos, posing for photoshoots, making merchandise, and practising dance routines. Everything was falling into place for ReCON!KISS to become the next breakout hit when the first round of Sound!Titan came around.

Unfortunately there were still a few songs they hadn't recorded. The duet, for one. Eren hadn't heard a word about it for weeks. He hoped Heichou was just keeping it a surprise. Furthermore, he hadn't managed to make much progress with wooing Heichou in the last few weeks. Despite making an attempt to flirt with him at least twenty times a day, he felt Heichou would have to be the one to make the first move. He'd tried to sneak into his room at the Survey Corps castle in the middle of the night, but found that the door was locked.

Armin still hadn't turned into his thug form yet, and had remained wimpy throughout the whole month. Eren feared that any day he would start wearing knuckle dusters and gold chains. Hopefully the schizophrenic little bitch wouldn't interfere with his courting of Heichou.

Hanji drove the bus over to Tokyo, with Erwin chatting away to her in the passenger seat, most seriously. Naturally, she drove at over double the speed limit, and ignored all road signs or safety regulations. Eren had been somewhat terrified for his life on that road trip. Miraculously, Heichou had grudgingly agreed to hold the trembling Eren in his arms to comfort him in his time of fear. The comforting had worked very, very, well.

Eren didn't think he'd had such a long, sexually frustrated day in years. The film crew (led by Petra and Oluo) had spent an age assembling at the music video set, and it took so many takes for them to get the dancing right on the narrow catwalk. Furthermore, the direction of the music video required that they changed costumes many times for different shots. After all, they were here to do fashionable struts down the catwalk. Unfortunately, Heichou was given a private changing room away from the rest of them, so Eren had no excuse to watch him changing.

He did feel very privileged to be wearing a cravat, but he knew he couldn't possibly look as attractive as Heichou in it.

Although he was doing his best to concentrate and make the dancing look good, Mikasa could _see _Eren staring at Heichou all the time next to him. The star was in full body spandex leather. Undoubtedly spandex leather had become another one of Eren's gay fetishes. It wasn't difficult for Eren to have another - considering he already had so many. Mikasa had done her work - she'd arduously taught them all this dance, pulling all nighters day after day to get it planned out in time. Now her hand trembled slightly as she sipped on her fifth cup of coffee this morning.

As the five boys formed a line and started the tap dancing segment, Mikasa tossed the styrofoam cup away and looked about herself. Where was the next one?! There had been an entire pitcher of coffee over by the catering table, but it was gone now! Mikasa's nerves began to grow. Throughout her life she'd been downing cup after cup of coffee every day. It was the only thing that got her through Talent School 104. Without it, she was unable to tolerate Eren or Armin for so much as a second. It kept her calm and chased the migrane headaches away. She feared what might happen if she didn't have another cup soon.

If Eren had an obsession with jpop, Armin occasionally turned into a street gang style thug, well, Mikasa certainly saw no problem with having a coffee addiction. Thankfully she spied another pitched being carried in by a catering team, and she made a beeline rush straight for it.

Eren did another twist, a little shake of his rear end, and a punch in the air before continuing the routine. It was hard, aggressive work that could only be carried out by the most active of flighty young men. He would-

"HOLD UP THERE!" he heard a command being wailed across the hall from beside the camera. It was Hanji, interrupting the video for the hundredth time. Every time one of them messed up, or missed a step, they'd have to do the entire take again. Eren froze with panic. He'd already screwed up a couple times, and he could tell it wasn't impressing Heichou. Had he done something wrong again? '_No please, Heichou, don't hate me!' _He imagined the icy glare he'd be given. But this time, Hanji romped up to Armin, wagging her finger. "You're doing the side shuffle out of time - have been for the entire take!"

Armin's eyes grew wide in horror as the entire rest of the group glowered at him. It had been a long day, and the cast and film crew alike were getting mightily tired. Eren himself was not forgiving. "_Armin you little twat I can't believe you keep messing up like this we're never going to get the music video made at this rate do you care about jpop or not?"  
_

A single, solitary tear ran down the boy's cheek. "I'm sorry, Eren," he sniveled. Pathetic.

After a while they took a break. Erwin insisted that this work was very taxing, and they could never work on an empty stomach. Hanji agreed, saying that they were getting a little angsty, so a one hour break was in order. They were free to wonder about around Tokyo if they wanted, as long as they didn't go too far. Privately, Mikasa thought that all of them should be put on leashes for extra safety precautions, but she didn't speak a word. She wanted to get away from the boys of ReCON!KISS as quickly as possible. She ducked away from the fashion studio catwalk to find the nearest starbucks. Escaping from the psychos while Hanji and the others went over the footage for an hour sounded good.

Eren jumped down from the catwalk happily and tottered towards the masses of food arranged on catering tables around the side of the studio. This was a triple-A jpop enterprise, you know. Funded by none other than the world's greatest Erwin Smith. They could afford some of the best grub. Soon enough Eren was cramming a burger deep into his throat without chewing, and already reaching for French fries with his spare hands.

"That's disgusting," came an unsurprised snort from behind him.

Blood rushing from his face, skin white as a sheet, Eren turned around to see the unimpressed Heichou giving him _that glare. _He tried to speak with the burger wedged into his mouth. "But-mnhm-Hai-mnh-chuu!"

With his unreadable, blank face, Heichou reached up and gently pulled the protruding burger from Eren's chomping teeth and put it down on a paper plate, picking up some plastic cutlery. "You will eat this with a knife and fork," he demanded.

"But it's a burger!" Eren protested meekly.

Heichou thrust the plastic cutlery towards him. Eren was disappointed this was the first thrusting the two of them had experienced as a couple. Grudgingly, Eren took up the tools and starting cutting his burger into slices. Heichou nodded with the vaguest hint of approval. Next, Eren reached to grab a pile of fries from a nearby bucket.

Heichou slapped his hand before it got halfway there. "It's rude to grab your food. Use a serving spoon, you ill mannered little brat."

Eren found himself snapping back at the star before he could think. "Why do you care if I eat neatly? You never care about me the rest of the time!"

And the uke tears began to fall.

Eren found a somewhat comforting hand patting him stiffly on the back. Heichou was behind it. Never grinning, but with a bare fraction of a smile. "It must be difficult for you to be around me, hm?"

Oh he didn't know _half _of it. But the fact that Heichou was currently touching him - albeit a bit roughly - gave him some hope. At least Heichou wasn't physically repulsed by him. Considering how he usually didn't give most fangirls a second glance, Eren was doing quite well.

"You know," Heichou added, nonchalantly. "I caught you watching me while we were doing our little dance up there. Your wandering eyes are quite obvious, Mister Jaeger. You need to train your subtlety."

Eren went as bright red as the ketchup he was currently drizzling over his burger. He'd been staring at Heichou's butt for a really, really, really long time during their filming. The only thing stopping him now was that Heichou was facing him, and his ass pointing in the other direction. Even then, he kept staring. It was impossible not to. For God's sake, what was spandex leather _made _for if not to amplify the curvature of a sexy ass? Eren himself was wearing the same spandex leather now, and he could feel it clutching his butt flesh so very tightly.

He was paralysed with fear, his crime had been discovered. His arms were frozen - he couldn't stop the endless stream of ketchup pouring out of the bottle onto the burger patty. "You see- I- uh- yeah. I might have. Um. Looked. Once or twice."

"And did you like what you saw, Jaeger?"

With one almighty squeeze of panic, Eren splattered masses of ketchup out onto his plate. Droplets went flying everywhere across the catering table onto the pristine white tablecloth. He must have squirted out the whole bottle - but that was the least of his worries. Heichou was waiting for an answer, and Eren was sweating up a storm. Eren found himself whimpering more helplessly than Armin. Eventually he realised he was defeated by the almighty powers of Heichou's icy presence. It worked a spell on him - he was hardly able to move, yet alone think. "Yeah, I liked it..." Eren admitted uncomfortably.

Heichou chuckled before speaking slowly and thoughtfully. "Hm, well, I would be lying if I said I hadn't cast a look your way myself."

If Eren had been drinking, he would have spat it all out, likely over Heichou's face. Instead his knees began to wobble, and he shivered like he had hypothermia. "YOU WERE LOOKING AT MY ASS?" Eren yelled.

Japan's #1 pop star shrugged cruelly, looking Eren up and down with leering eyes. "You may be a miserable brat, but I can't help but wonder what's under all those clothes."

Eren had always prized himself on his quick thinking. "I'LL TAKE THEM ALL OFF RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT HONESTLY IT'S NO PROBLEM."

For some reason, Heichou only laughed at him. Eren felt lots of uke sadness in the following moments.

Once he'd heard the shouting, Jean came running over to the catering table. He'd been asking everyone where Mikasa had run off to for a while, but he couldn't help but dash over when he heard such yelling. Although he had no love for Eren - if something serious was going wrong, he supposed he had some kind of duty to help. This was for the future of jpop - he had to try and overcome his intolerance of Eren's flamboyance.

For a second, he saw all the ketchup sprayed all across the table, and assumed it was someone's blood. It was a logical assumption, considering he'd just heard Eren wailing something, and how annoying Heichou must have found the boy. Well, he _assumed _it was annoyance.

But Jean was not a yaoi fangirl. We all know how thin a line there truly is between love and hate.

"What the heck is going on here?" Jean asked, not particularly caring once he realised Eren had done nothing more than spray sauce everywhere and created lots of work for the cleaners.

"Nothing that would concern you, Jean!" Eren snapped back. His day was getting worse than worse. He felt so sad, having embarrassed himself so horribly in front of Heichou, and now that loser Jean was coming over here, too.

"I hope you weren't irritating Heichou with your extreme gay," Jean said, hands on hips. Heichou had to restrain Eren with one strong arm to stop him from clawing off Jean's face. "You can't just live your life assuming everyone's gay, Eren. This isn't Fanfiction."

Eren literally would have sliced Jean's head right off then and then if he had the equipment. He considered attempting it with one of the plastic knives Heichou had insisted he use. How dare he suggest that Heichou was straight? What impudence to this revered popstar! Of course, he'd never publicly announced his sexual alignment - that would drive off some of the fangirls - but Eren knew in _the depths of his heart, _that Heichou was his soulmate, and would love him for all eternity.

But Jean was wrong. This _was_ fanfiction. Where heterosexual activity is disgusting. Every male is gay, and every female is a yaoi fangirl.

Heichou stood up for him in front of the bully Eren had faced throughout his career in Talent School 104. "Eren _is_ bothering me," he said, "but I can deal with him myself, Kirsten."

Jean nodded anxiously. "Just watch out. He'll try to get into your pants, that one."

Eren couldn't take it any more. Jean was ruining his precious Heichou-time. "_Like you're so straight yourself, Jean!" _he yelled.

Jean snorted and rolled his eyes, but when he spoke, there was a hint of hesitation in his voice. "I'm totally not gay," he claimed while directly avoiding Eren's gaze. "Nope. Not at all. No way, I find the thought disgusting."

Yeah, right.

Jean slowly loped away. Eventually he would go on an unsuccessful quest around nearby Tokyo to find Mikasa. She was currently hitting up espressos far away. Eren was glad to see him head away from the two of them Slowly, he turned to Heichou, and spoke as carefully as if he were proposing.

"Heeeeiiiiiiiichhhoooouuuuu-sennnpaaiiiiiiii?"

"What?"

"Shall we go outside together?" Eren asked, pointing meekly towards the door of the fashion studio.

Heichou sighed in exasperation. "To do what, exactly?"

"We coooouuullllldd goooo and gettt ice~cream!"

"Of all the foods we could consume, you choose ice cream? In the middle of winter?"

Eren gasped. Was it possible that Heichou _didn't like ice cream? _Well, fuck, there went his chance at scoring.

"We could get double scoop!" Eren suggested.

Heichou went through great emotional turmoil considering whether it was worth the effort of following Eren outside to get ice cream, just to torment him. Eventually he realised he'd rather not spend the next hour lounging around the video set. Where Hanji could plausibly pester him about his personal affairs. And his sex life. He had no particular desire to consume creamed ice - he'd never acquired a taste for it, but at least it would be something to do.

"Fine," Heichou agreed, not entirely sure what he was promising. Eren clapped his hands eagerly.

Out of nowhere, Armin turned up to ruin their romantic moment. He must have been lurking in a corner, or under the food table, or over by the cameras with Connie. He appeared without a word, standing right between Eren and his beloved pop star. With those expectant, bright eyes of his.

"Eren!" Armin exclaimed. "Are you going for ice cream?"

"It's none of your business!" Eren scolded.

"Can I come with you?" the blonde requested.

Was Armin for serious? Did he even remember the various discussions they'd had about matters concerning Heichou before? Armin didn't understand how sex worked (that was a given) but surely he wasn't stupid enough to get in Eren's way.

Hanji was watching all this from a distance, hardly paying attention to the important lecture that Erwin was giving her about preparing ReCON!KISS in only two months for SoundTitan!

She decided she had a new OTP : Armin X Being the Third Wheel.

Thankfully Eren was able to the situation with less aggression than usual. "No fucking way are you coming." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled note. "Here's a thousand yen. Go buy some weed or something."

Armin looked dejectedly down at the money. "But... I don't know where to buy drugs. And I'm afraid of the dealers."

"Look I don't fucking care do whatever the hell it is you do for fun and don't bother me and Heichou again we got this clear?" Eren growled without punctuation. Punctuation often disappeared when he was yelling at Arlet.

"Fine, I'll see if they have the latest shojo beat magazine at a news stand," Armin said sadly, before running off.

Eren was all eager to link arms with Heichou and waltz into the sunset, but the older man wouldn't move an inch when Eren started stepping away. "Don't you think we should change out of these costumes before we go outside? I, for one, do not don such tight attire on an ordinary basis, and I find it grievously irritating." He snapped the skin tight spandex leather against his thigh. Eren almost got a boner on the spot. "Although you may be a virgin in this music industry, I have many fans who would recognise me the second I stepped outside. If you get excited seeing me in this getup, I can't imagine how rabid a hundred unwitting fangirls could become."

Eren took that as a fair point, and the two of them dashed off to change costumes before they went out for ice cream.

It was strange, how the changing rooms didn't have locks. He wondered if that would amount to anything as he peeled the skin tight leather off his flesh, eagerly awaiting his ice cream appointment with his senpai.

* * *

**Please review! It means so much to dear little me!**

**There have been questions about whether Armin and Jean are going to get laid in this story.**

**All in good time. It will happen. But not in the way you expect. (I've thought up another horrible way to torture poor Armin)**

**Stuff is going to heat up between Eren and Levi in the next 3 chapters. It's gonna be nuthin' but fluff and sexy banter. And then perhaps a little more than just banter *wink**

**DEY IS GUNNA GET ICE CREAM NEXT TIME YAY**


	4. Tch Tch

**It's been a long ass time since this was updated. Don't despair. Now it's the holiday, there can be boundless Ereri goodness!**

* * *

Eren could feel his heart pounding in anticipation. In just a few minutes, he would be going out to get ice cream with Japan's most famous pop star! It was a young singer's dream come true!

He was in his changing room for the studio where they were filming the music video for '_Cravat and Cape,' _in the middle of twiddling off the delicate lace cravat around his neck, and gradually peeling off layer upon layer of skintight leather spandex. He tore off the clothes and flung them to the far corners of the room. There was no time to put them back properly! He couldn't waste a moment when he could be out with Heichou!

His mind kept wandering around in circles as he zipped off his boots. '_If Heichou agreed to hang out with me, he must not hate me!' _and then, of course, it led on to think, '_if he doesn't hate me, he must like me!' _Somehow he ended up convincing himself that Heichou was secretly in love with him - although he hardly dared to hope so high.

After stripping, he spent a lot of time dithering about, trying to decide what to wear on his big date. There were bountiful costumes provided in the cupboard. He rifled through them, while wearing nothing more than underpants. '_If I go too casually, he'll think I'm not serious about him!' _He tossed aside a pair of jeans vengefully and pulled out the next article of clothing. It was a floor length, red ballgown with glittering ruby gems. It was the kind of dress a young princess would dream about wearing to attract a handsome prince.

Conspiratorial thoughts ran through Eren's head as he pressed the ballgown against his body, judging whether it would fit.

Did Heichou like this kind of thing? The dress looked just about the right size. He could slip right into it and walk out of the studio confidently, linking arms with Heichou. He would never hear the end of Jean's teasing crap afterwards, but it would be totally worth it to impress Heichou. Hmnn. A difficult conundrum.

Unfortunately, Eren didn't have time to don the dress. Abruptly, he heard the door of the changing room slam open and a forceful figure traipsing inside. Whoever was storming in so rudely didn't even bother to knock. Frightened that the perpetrator would see him in his underwear, he bashfully clutched the crimson dress to his body, covering himself. He panicked, blood flushing right up to his cheeks, tingeing them a bright pink. "D-don't come in!" he stammered, backing towards the wall, screwing his eyes tight shut in embarrassment. "I'm changing."

"Tch. You want me to go away?" he heard, from the intruder.

For the briefest second, he relaxed that it was only Heichou that was seeing him in his underwear. If it had been Talent Manager Erwin he would have never recovered from the shock. The ballgown dropped to the ground as he was relieved.

But then he reconsidered it for a while, still under the icy, heartless stare of mankind's greatest singer.

Heichou was glaring at him.  
And he was wearing nothing.

"KU-SO!" Eren cursed as the red of his face became deeper than that of the dress crumpled on the floor. He blushed deeper than he'd ever blushed before. Because you need lots of blushing in yaoi Fanfiction. Frantically, he looked for something to put on, fully aware he was under close scrutiny from Heichou's judgmental eyes. In his underwear, he turfed the closet upside down looking for anything, anything at all.

"Mmmn mnn," he heard Heichou thinking to himself. Eren couldn't interpret what that meant. Was Heichou impatient, or just pleased to see him in his underpants? The star had changed into a classy, dark overcoat that stretched down to brush the floor. It billowed behind him as he walked. It was practically the most badass and sexy thing ever. And no, author of this fic doesn't have a fetish for Sherlock coats or anything. Omfg why did he have to be so stylish and fabulous all the time? It was doing terrible things to Eren's mind. The shorter man took a few paces forward as Eren looked through the closet, his eye distracted by the crumpled dress on the floor. With slender fingers, he lifted it off the floor for closer inspection. "Hm. Do you usually wear this sort of apparel, Jaeger?"

Eren had _just _managed to find an appropriate, wholesome pair of cargo pants, but he dropped them on the floor when he was struck off guard by this question.

Was he supposed to answer honestly? He might chase Heichou away if he did. "We had to wear the Talent School uniforms most of the time for the last few years. I haven't had much opportunity to form my own fashion sense," Eren admitted, scratching the back of his neck, nude save for his underwear.

"Shame," Heichou said, mostly to himself, as Eren hurriedly moved to throw on some actual clothes. "I choose all my own outfits for my shows. Style is an essential skill in the industry."

Eren considered that Heichou was about the most stylish person he'd ever met. Forget that. The most stylish person _on the planet_.

Once Eren had fumbled on a pair of pants and messily buttoned up a shirt, Heichou stopped leaning against the wall, ready to head out. "So we're going out to get ice cream," he stated in exasperation. "Is this truly what you want to do?"

Eren could think of a myriad of other things he'd rather do with Heichou than getting ice cream, but an awful lot of them were not T-rated. "But Heichouuu, ice cream is delicious! It can cool you down on a hot summer day!"

"It's the middle of winter."

He began walking out of the room, and Eren followed. They strode side by side through a twisting corridor, a flight of stairs, and into the main recording room. There were technicians and designers working fervently on every aspect of the set. Petra was up on a high ladder fiddling with a lightbulb in one of the lofty ceiling lamps above the catwalk.

Hanji and Erwin were arguing violently about something. She hadn't even decided what song ReCON!KISS was supposed to sing in round Maria of SoundTitan!. Apparently Heichou was working on that, as well as finishing up a duet for him to sing with Eren.

Eren could only see Heichou by his side as they ambled through the studio and out into the chill outside air of Tokyo. "You know, I don't think we should be taking such a long break. We need as much of an advantage against the Vocaloids as possible," Eren said offhandedly.

This actually somewhat interested Heichou. "I thought a weak brat like you would be exhausted after such a long day of filming."

Eren couldn't believe Heichou thought he would give up so easily! He clenched a fist tightly, sweat pouring down his brow. "When it comes to fighting the Vocaloids, I don't need to rest. I'm never going to give up until every single one of them is dead! When I've sliced off Gakpo's lame ponytail and strangled Rin with her evil white bow, and made Miku choke to death _on her own hair._ I will hunt them down for as long as I live - I can sleep when I'm _dead."_

Heichou blinked once. For him, it was an intense expression of surprise. "Hm, you're certainly passionate. Perhaps you've got more fight in you than I thought - though your plans for vengeance are still childish. You act as if the Vocaloids killed your parents or performed some other grave sin."

"_The Vocaloids caused Arashi to split up_!" Eren exclaimed. "They were like _family _to me, and the Vocaloids tore them apart like animals waiting for slaughter!"

Heichou just blinked once or twice more - undergoing some silent contemplation. Undoubtedly, Eren believed, it was his way of mourning Arashi. He must have been shedding silent tears.

Yup, Levi Rivaille crying. I really don't know where Eren got stupid ass ideas like that in the twisted little mind of his. Quite frankly, Levi Rivaille never cried. Although there are no witness reports to the event, but we can safely assume that even when pulled out of his mother's womb in the hospital for the first time, Rivaille never shed so much as a drop of a tear. If he ever did, it would probably cause the Third Impact and the explosion of the world.

"Soooo Heiiichouuuu are we gonna get ice~cream?" Eren asked, completely recovered from his bout of fierce passion.  
Heichou just sighed in response. "Do you even know of any ice cream stores?"

"Only _all _of them!" Eren exclaimed. "How can you live your life without knowing where the nearest emergency ice cream parlor is? If we allow ourselves to go without ice cream, we let the Vocaloids win!"

So the two of them, miraculously, began picking through the streets of Tokyo.

Now, Tokyo was quite an amazing place. They swam past floods of neon lights, the blaring music and clink of coins in Pachinko parlors. They bumped into cosplayers out in the streets and a plethora of delicious foods were out on display. Eren marveled and drooled at the window of a candy store. Heichou had to wait with his hands in his pockets, like an impatient boyfriend whose insistent girlfriend wants to try on _one more pair _of shoes.

Many otakus who may glance over this story will most likely, have an overwhelming desire to visit Japan. This is a serious mental issue that can cause a lot of suffering while one is stuck on one's butt reading Fanfiction in their crummy home country. Therefore, in order to avoid suffering from the yearning otaku, advanced descriptions of the vices of Tokyo shall be avoided. Instead, we shall focus upon the bonding between Eren and Levi that transpired in that period of time.

After they'd been walking for a while through the centre of the city, Heichou had been swarmed no less than four times by crowds of fangirls. They'd insisted over and over again that he give them a signature, or a song, or his hand in marriage. If it hadn't been for many swift 3D escape maneuvers out of the crowd, they might have been there for hours. Eren hoped the ladies wouldn't get jealous of him being Heichou's #1 girlfriend. He didn't want to be crushed by a stampeding herd of angry fangirls.

On their trip through a calmer side street, Eren caught Heichou looking up toward the sky thoughtfully, towards the glowing skyscrapers of the city. "I have an apartment in Tokyo somewhere," the older man stated. "A discreet place. No one knows about it besides me. A safe house in which to hide from the pestering world."

Eren wasn't sure why he was bringing it up. A secret apartment? Completely off the grid? Where you could stay, alone, for hours with no one finding you? Not even Talent Manager Erwin? Where Eren and Heichou could spent days without being disturbed.

Wait...

"ARE YOU SAYING WE SHOULD GO THERE TO HAVE SEX?" Eren yelled. Why else would he bring up something like that?

Heichou was not even amused. "Tch."

What was that fucking supposed to mean?! Heichou was such an enigma to Eren - although the thought that he was so mysterious just made him more and more attractive.

Unfortunately, though Eren was filled with elation on his little road trip with Heichou, it was also filled with sadness and regret. It was impossible to walk down any high street without seeing the sign of at least one Vocaloid. Soon enough the Colossal Miku was rearing her ugly head in the form of cute dolls in windows, all the way up to ten storey billboards. It set a wrathful fire burning in Eren's heart.

At last, they reached the ice cream joint Eren had been leading them to. Hanji had been the one to give him some brief directions before filming began. She and Eren had had a brief conference concerning possible romantic locations, and this was high on the list.

Eren pushed open the door, and was relieved to find there were no pictures of Armoured Kaito or any of the other terrible Vocaloid titans. There were some kawakii happy pictures of other characters painted all over the white walls, all happy and bubbly. Many machines that dispensed every flavour of ice cream into tubs were at the ready. It was a create-your-own ice cream style place, where you could pile on the flavours, and heap on enough toppings to make yourself vomit. There were mostly children running around the place. There was a happy cartoon penguin on a poster explaining that you paid for the pot, and you could fill it with as much ice cream as you wanted.

Heichou took one pessimistic look around the place before scowling cynically. "Eren Jaeger, have you ever, _in your life_, chosen a location for a romantic meeting before?"

"I've been too busy focusing on conquering the Vocaloids my whole life," Eren admitted embarrassed, "I've never done anything like this before. This is my first date."

"Don't push your luck, brat. I'm only here because I would prefer not to endure Hanji's delirious antics during my lunch break. Now eat your ice cream, and we can get out of here."

Eren dashed up to the counter, ready to buy his pot to fill with ice cream. There were three sizes - One Scoop Class, Two Scoop Class and Three Scoop Class. They could only be conquered through the power of little plastic spoons. Eren wanted a three Scoop Class, and he was about to speak to the attendant, when he realised he had a problem.

"Fuckdamn shitcrap!" Eren yelled, mortifying some children. "I gave all my extra money to Armin for him to buy drugs! I haven't got any cash to dish out for ice cream."

Heichou glared at him. "You can't even buy your own junk food. Pathetic."

"Do you, er, have any money I could borrow?" Eren asked the star nervously. Heichou didn't even need to rifle through his pockets for an answer.

"I assumed you had money, and I didn't expect to buy anything for myself. I have nothing to lend you."

Eren glanced over thoughtfully at the attendant behind the counter selling the pots. He was a moderately attractive young man in his twenties. Probably single. Probably (given the track record for everyone in this fic) gay. The young singer hatched a master plan to acquire ice cream.

This was a plan doomed to fail. You have only to look at Eren's official stats on the Attack on Titan wiki - a 3 out of 10 score for strategy. But he tried. "Heichou, everyone thinks you're amazingly hot - go and _seduce the assistant so he'll give us free ice cream_!"

Heichou didn't even grace Eren with a '_tch_' this time. He stared at the boy as if he were an escaped asylum lunatic. "Honestly what the fuck?" he said, uncaringly in one tone.

"Anyone would fall for you Heichou!" He had to turn on his host club charm!

Levi really, really, really couldn't believe what he was about to do, but with a migraine pounding in his head and a lifeless sigh, he sauntered up to the ice cream counter. Why was he doing this just so the brat could get some sweets? It was utterly degrading. But he was doing it anyway. Something must have been wrong in his mind. He'd have a talk with his therapist in great detail about this later. At last, he reached the counter, leaned on it heavily with one elbow, and gave the assistant a million dollar half-smile. It was accompanied by a stormy glare as he ran a hand through his hair. Heichou wasn't exactly a showboater, but he could be one handsome devil if he needed to be.

"Hello handsome," Rivaille breathed, scarcely above a whisper. "Think you could give me some of that ice cream? I seem to have misplaced my wallet today..."

The assistant was so utterly stunned. He couldn't decide if this was OOC or not, but he honestly didn't care. He couldn't speak a word. Protesting, or _denying _Heichou the ice cream was utterly inconceivable. When you were being given _that look, _you were as good as paralysed. A slave to the commands of its owner.

So the assistant dumbly reached for the closest ice cream tub to hand, and with shaking fingers handed it over to Heichou.

As soon as Levi had the pot in hand, he dropped his act, and went straight back into the scowling he always did. He walked away coldly without turning back, and tossed the pot to Eren.

Eren didn't waste a second. He dashed over to the dispensers lined against the wall and started flooding the poor pot with the frozen dessert. Chocolate, nutella, cheesecake, mango, vanilla, strawberry all piled on top of each other. The brunette shoved children out of the way in the topping station, building a tower of brownie bites, fudge cubes, gummy bears and peanut butter cups.

When he'd at last perfected his masterpiece, he slid into a padded booth seat in the corner, and started to devour the thing at once – with such ravenousness that Sasha would be proud.

Heichou watched, as usual, with disgust as Eren chomped through the ice cream. The boy wasn't even using a spoon. It made his eye twitch to watch every time he took a bite.

Eren paused in the middle of his feast, realising that the older man was just sitting there. He extended the massive pot of ice cream at arm's length in his direction. "HEICHOU DON'T YOU WANT ANY? You're the one who got it for free!"

"I don't like sweets," Levi replied bitterly. Eren had been licking that monstrosity over and over again. "And it's highly unsanitary."

"But it's really _gooooood~!" _Eren insisted, thrusting the ice cream further in his direction.

Heichou, defeated, decided to knuckle down and take a lick of the ice cream pot in Eren's hand. Surprisingly, the brat was right. It was moderately tasty.

Heichou just sat there, arms crossed, observing as Eren kept scarfing down the ice cream. It was a massive undertaking – consuming that entire bowlful – but Eren never was someone to give up once he'd set his heart on something. "Heichou," Eren said thoughtfully, in-between bites, "what's your real name? Everyone always calls you Heichou, but it's not your real name. Most musicians have a stage name, I understand, but they usually give out their real one too. But you're different. You're always secretive about it."

This was the last thing Heichou wanted to reveal to this strange boy he'd only met a month ago. "Not telling," he said. Eren let out a disappointed moan. "At all. I have a dark past that might escape to the world if I tell anyone my name." Thoughts of this past hadn't been dragged up for years – and now the brat had brought the bitter memories out of the forgotten recesses of his mind. He'd never forgive himself if he started angsting.

"Oooh, a dark backstory?" Eren asked excitedly. "The kind that makes you a well-developed story character?" Heichou nodded, and for the moment, the boy was satisfied to keep eating his ice cream.

For a long time (as it took Eren a very long while to eat the entirety of his monster ice cream) they talked about the horror of the Vocaloids. About how hard it was for Heichou to stay at the top of the music charts with the Vocaloids constantly on his back, trying to shoot him down.

"Do the Vocaloids sometimes come after you with guns?" Eren asked.

"No." Heichou replied dryly.

"Why not? They're already so ruthless – a little blood on their hands wouldn't make much difference," Eren pondered, resting his hand in his chin.

"This isn't hardcore gangster rap, it's mainstream boyband pop we're dealing with. Although the Vocaloids can be criminally insane during some of their songs – we'll never forget '_The Madness of Duke Venomania'_ –it would be detrimental to their record sales if it was discovered they'd personally murdered Japan's most loved pop star."

"I dunno Heichou," Eren debated. "I don't trust that Gakpo one bit. He may be an eggplant, but he's rotten to the core. I mean, everyone loved Arashi, but we all remember the tragedy the Vocaloids caused for them. They... they..." Eren found it was too painful to speak about aloud. A single tear trickled down his cheek and dripped into the melting bowl of ice cream. "All our hearts bleed for Arashi. That's... that's why we have to win this competition, become chart-toppers, and make sure the Vocaloids never perform again!"

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**Please, please, please leave a review if you liked it. They're literally like crack. I'll be refreshing the page for hours and hours today hoping someone has written them. **

**Let's play a game! It's called '_Spot the Neon Genesis Evangelion reference!' _There was one of those. There are waaay too many references in this, I know. I just can't help myself.  
**

**The inspiration for this chapter came from a frozen yoghurt store I went to on Tuesday. I ate just as much as Eren, trust me. The only difference between our eating was that Levi wasn't there...**

**Next time will be an awkward situation. Well, another. And the chapter after that... *evil yaoi fangirl smirk.**

**But the actual first round of SoundTitan! against the Vocaloids is on the way, too! And the emerging of Thug!Armin...**


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